Tomorrow.

Ok, so I'm having my first breakdown. It has finally hit me that I am going half-way around the world with no comfort except for my God. As I was listening to Chuck Swindoll's "David" series, he explained how there is nothing more painful in this world than having all of your "crutches" ripped out from under you. He explained how David, God's man, went crazy after his wife, best friend, mentor, and military position were stripped away... David had nothing left but himself and God. That's when he went into the cave to be alone.

I am going to my own cave... my Africa cave.
I experienced the stripping away of a crutch when Topher and I broke up... that was definitely painful, and I completely agree with Chuck's statement. Since I have listened to that lecture on crutches, I asked God to show me which crutches need to be taken away for me to fully rely on Him. (You know how some of you don't like to pray for patience, for God will give you something to be patient about???) ....don't pray that prayer unless you want some serious pain. However, this pain will come with an amazing reward-- total, complete reliance on God. Something I have never experienced.

God has shown me that I still have several crutches in my life, crutches that I didn't even expect to be crutches. The first one is the comfort of my home. When I am bored, tired, or weary, I can climb into bed and sleep my troubles away or veg out in front of the tv and turn my mind off. I should be climbing in His word and be face-down in prayer.

The second crutch in my life is my parents... when I'm mad, frustrated, upset, or happy I go to them and they listen. I can see their face, hug them, see that I'm in their presence- they are completely tangible. Instead, I should go to God first. Feel His presence, seek His face. I have always craved the tangible... God has shown me that He is tangible through holding His word. Laying in the grass. Looking at the stars.... being in His wonderful creation makes Him tangible to me. I need to focus on that.

The third crutch, and most surprising one, is my dog. When I am scared and don't want to go downstairs in the dark by myself, I have her follow me because I know she will protect me if there is danger. She also gives me the blessing of feeling needed. She is such a comfort measure for me, and I need to gain my comfort from Christ.

In Africa, these crutches will be stripped away. God has called me to a completely foreign place where the only person I know is Josh (a nursing friend of mine). It is amazing to me how God will chase us, His beloved children, to the ends of the earth so we can know Him better and rely on Him fully. It's times like these that I dwell on God's love for us and I feel as if I am going to collapse. How great is our God?

Rest, today, in the knowledge that God is chasing you... He will meet you right where you are. Don't make Him strip away your crutches.

Lay them at the foot of the cross.


Love and blessings, Kristen

Me and Josh... pre-trip picture!